Dumb people should have their asses Kickstartered

So there is a website that I check out regularly called Kickstarter.com where people can pitch a project to the "community" in hopes of receiving funding for their work.  The projects vary, ranging from a photo collage for sale to feature films and like most websites that allow for user created content (like Blogspot for example) a lot of crap gets into the mix as well (like my blog).  One of my favorite things to do is check out the crap and see if there is anything that might be fun to make fun of so I offer the following projects up as fodder. 

First on the list tonight is Super Doobie Dude, a horrible idea from some guy that thinks he is funny but in real life probably isn't.  This game was probably started as a joke between two friends that were smoking weed, who in a moment of Nirvanna, come up with the idea to start a game company and make this game.  I would have loved to be a fly on the wall for that conversation.

*Inhale*
FD:  Hey man, you know what?
*Inhale*
SD: What?
*Inhale*
FD:  I have been seeing a lot of stories about zombies.
*Inhale*
SD:  Me too dude.
*cough* *Inhale*
*Inhale*
FD:  I think they should make a game about zombies.
*Inhale*
SD:  Zombies?  Man they already made that game man.
*Inhale*
FD:  I know but the game should involve weed man.  That way people can see how it's not bad and shouldn't be illegal.
*SD stares at the first dude like he is some kind of sage*
*Blink*
SD: What would it be about?  Zombies smoking weed?*laughs* *coughs*
FD: No man. A dude that smokes weed and fights zombies.
SD:  Like why would he be fighting zombies?
FD:  Because their zombies man.  That's what you do, you fight them.
SD:  True, true but I mean what is the purpose of the game?  Are the zombies trying to get his weed?
*packing another joint* <----you can tell I don't smoke weed
FD: No man, they stole the dudes girlfriend
SD:  Yeah!  But what if it wasn't like his girlfriend but a chick he really liked.  Like what if it was the head cheerleader?
FD:  Dude that's awesome!  Check this out man...*giggles* what if the zombies were the football team*giggles*
SD:  Yeah man*giggles* that would be like implying that all football players are mindless.
FD:  I know man that's what I was going for.  Man that would be a sweet game.  I'd play it.
SD:  Me too man!  F*** Call of Duty!
FD:  I know right!?
SD:  Dude, we should make that game!
FD:  Dude, I think we just did!
*Victory Inhale*

Now tell me you wouldn't shake your head and blame their parents for raising a couple of morons. 

Next up:  A game with no title, no plot synopsis, no indication whatsoever of anything.  Just this photo

Nice skank-stuache douche.  Here's the link: ???Unknown???

I don't know about you guys but I'm gonna pledge $1.5 million to this guy if he'll shoot himself in the face.  He looks confused.  His lower lip is HUGE and he has a dream catcher in the background of the picture so you know he lives with his parents.  WTF public schools?  Is this the future?  If so, I'm going to go ahead and get my guns and head to the mountains.  There are plenty of deer, rabbits, and bears(oh my) for me to feed and cloth my family until we die(that rhymed *giggle*), right?

Number 3:  This one is actually two(did I just blow your mind?) games trying to be made.  The first is called T.R.E.K. Orbital Artillery, which actually looks cool but makes me want to scream NERD!  I mean the guy even says  he wishes "long life and prosperity" or live long and prosper to you trekkies.  Coupled with the fact the main dude is a fat Indian whose friend Aktosh helped him create the game. 



The second of this rambling is called FOO Bots and bears the subtitle "Programming is now a martial art"

Well Mr. Smarty Pants, programming isn't a martial art.  Martial Arts are cool, tough, and do not require a person to sit in front of a damn computer typing all day and night while on duty at the dispatcher office...wait what? Just reading the Kickstarter page for this game makes me want to go to a lab somewhere and invent LSD so I can pretend it was the acid talking and not my sober mind.

Finally (thank god) I have saved the best for last.  The title of this project is Beatbox Mobile.  It is a mobile app that lets you arrange various beatbox loops, record your own, post them online for the masses and would probably get funded if the guy redid his video but unfortunately for it, he didn't.  *spoiler alert* Don't actually watch the whole video because it's like 20 minutes but read the first paragraph in his plea to Kickstarter.  Here's an except:

                                "It all started as a dream.. It always does right? Dreams like clouds just seem to appear in our world, but unlike clouds they never seem to just go away, for me its been there a very long time. Why I am here and how I got here cant be much different than your story.. it all starts with a dream, some of us have them, and some of us just want to see people happy and living their dreams and will do whatever it takes to see a smile on that persons face.. that’s a love that cant be explained."

WTF?

I'll recap the video for you.  He talks about his dream for like 5 minutes, tells you how he is this supposed world famous beatboxer for 5 minutes, almost cries on screen, poorly edits the video so he cuts himself off mid-sentence, takes off his glasses for the sake of the audience so they won't "see glare", and plays pinball...yep....pinball.  I promise I'm not making this up.  While he is playing pinball, he says "if I score 20,000 you have to fund my project.  I have 1 ball left" the video shows him lose the ball then rough cuts to him still playing, finally saying "yeah, 20,000 so you are going to fund me right?" *wink*.  *Faggot*  The video ends with him saying he loves me.  Awww.

Don't let this turn you off of Kickstarter.com because there are a ton of excellently thought ideas from very talented people.  My favorite is Stephanie Mabey who sings the song "Wake Up Dreaming" and "The Zombie Song".  My daughter love's "The Zombie Song" and sings it in the car when I take her to school.

So check out Kickstarter and if you see something truly great, pledge money and help them spread the word.